Lonely, party of one

I'm kinda lonely lately. I mean, I have friends that I hang out with and I know I have a ton of people who care about me. But I'm just lonely. I wonder how long before I finally get to share my life with someone. I'm ready. I'm ready to settle down and do this. I feel like my baggage has been dealt with and I'm ready to be in love again. For real. But it's not happening.

My dad asked me the other day if I liked living by myself. And I do. Completely. I'm not depressed and holed up inside (besides the whole being sick for 2 weeks episode), I just want to move on to the next chapter in my life. I want to stop going to family functions alone. I want to have a workout partner. I want to have a partner, in general. And sometimes I wonder if it'll ever happen.

This will probably sound ridiculous and totally lame, but for some reason, I can't imagine myself on my wedding day. I mean, I could imagine myself graduating from college. I could imagine myself in a classroom in front of kids. I could imagine myself crossing the finish line when I did my halfer last year. But I can't imagine myself getting married. Is that a sign?? Does that mean it's not going to happen? That honestly scares the shit outta me.

So I wait. Like I always do. I be patient and have faith that the reason I'm having to wait so long is because what I'll finally end up with will be more than I could have ever hoped for. My faith is just wearing thin lately...

My MJ memorial

So yesterday I was fortunate enough to be able to go to the MJ Memorial at the Staples Center. A friend of mine "won" tickets and invited me to go.

I don't think I realized the magnitude of this event until I was actually there. I was sitting in a (very large) room with so many influential people. I think it hit me when Stevie Wonder was helped on stage. WTF? Stevie Wonder? I knew he'd be there, but when it all went down, I was overwhelmed.

And this is the thing. Say what you want about Michael Jackson, the man was a freakin genius. And he deserved to have his life celebrated yesterday. I don't know one person my age who wasn't trying to do the moonwalk at some point in their lives. I don't know one person who didn't secretly (or not-so-secretly) want the red leather jacket or the sequined white glove. I don't know one person who doesn't remember the first time they saw the Thriller video. I can tell you where I was: My mom got ahold of the video (now that I think about it, it was kinda odd that she got it) and she invited all the neighborhood kids in to watch it. I don't know what it is about that video and song, but it scares the shit outta me. To this day, I can't listen to it without getting creeped out. But I would pay a pretty penny to get my hands on the documentary of that video.

I will admit, when Michael was accused of all the child molestation stuff back in the day, I thought the man was guilty. Freak, child molester, pervert... all those names rolled off my tongue. But this is the thing... I don't know if I believe it anymore. I think the man had an f-ed up childhood/life. He didn't get to ever be a child. He was pushed into the spotlight at 5-years old and his stardom increased from there. So the whole Neverland makes sense. He didn't ever want to grow up and always wanted to be the kid he never got to be. I think that, yes, he did some questionable things with some of those kids. Things that we might deem as completely inappropriate. But do I think he molested anyone? No. I honestly don't. Not after what I saw yesterday.

I think Brooke Shields' eulogy was the one that hit home the most for me. She talked about how fun and full of love he was. She described him as non-jaded. Somehow, I believe that. I believe that he loved to perform and felt like that was what he was put on this Earth to do. He was at home on stage. He loved to make people happy. But off-stage, his life was in such a bubble, he was considered a freak. I considered him a freak, I'll admit. But everyone that knew him well described him as someone with a huge heart. I will believe that that was who he was. Not the sideshow that the media made him out to be.

And one more thing... his kids. Seriously, what beautiful and awesome kids he has. For the first time, we got to see them without masks, without umbrellas, without the boundaries that were put on them. This man wasn't just an entertainer for us. He was a father. And a seemingly great one at that.

Yesterday was a time for me to lay to rest the negativity that I've believed for the past few years. I realized that he was an icon whose music shaped my childhood. I realized that he was a wonderful person and father, who just wanted to make others happy.

What a wonderful experience that I got to be a part of. The magnitude of it is just beginning to set in.

Because I can

Yeah, I changed it. I get bored easily. And I like the new, bright colors. They're purdy.

Ear in-fect-you-tions

What.the.shit.

Why the hell do I get sick on every damn trip I go on? Ok, I take that back. No... now that I'm thinking about it, I don't. Let's review.

• NYC February, 2008 - got sick and had an ear infection when I got home.
• Texas June, 2008 - I remember getting sick the week before I left and going to the doctor to get meds to save myself. I was sick from heart-break. That totally counts.
  
• Rome and Greece August, 2008 - I lied, I didn't get sick on this one. But I did start my lady-time unexpectedly because I stopped taking my pill with the f-ed up time difference. So we'll just count this as being sick.
• NYC February, 2009 - got food f-ing poisoning the night before I left and literally threw up for the final time as my ride came to pick me up. Damn it, just call me a rock star on this one for sucking it up and kicking ass.
• Paris and London March, 2009 - hungover as all hell (admittedly my own fault) on the 24-hour travel-day-from-hell. Threw up in Heathrow airport (check that one off my list), and had TWO ear infections by the time I got home. Asshole ears.
• Texas June, 2009 - get sick the day after I get there. My BFF gets to take me to Urgent Care (called CareNow in Tejas) where I get meds. Oh, and I had to pay out-of-pocket because my insurance is stupid and can't get their shit straight. Awesome. Finally getting well and when I fly home, I get another bastard ear infection and pretty much die for the FIVE DAYS following my return. As a matter of fact, I'm still dying. On Sunday, I had to literally get into the bathtub to get a fever of 102.9 down. What am I, a toddler? Went to 3 different doctors and finally got my medication changed because, guess what, the one I got in Texas stopped working.

So yeah. This might be a sign. But I don't really care. I might lose my hearing, I might get pneumonia one day... but traveling is sooo worth it.

Classy ladies

Someone please tell me why The Real Housewives of New Jersey is the greatest show that has ever aired on Bravo. No? Ok I will.

1. All those stereotypes of NJ women? Yeah, they're all true. Except these women married rich NJ douchebags and live in giant homes.

2. Danielle, the crazy bitch (let's face it, they're all crazy...she's just the craziest) has the most amazing face in the history of plastic surgery-gone-too-far. Her eyebrows, her eyelids, her cheekbones, her mouth... and that's just her face.

3. Danielle, the crazy bitch, is dating a guy who is 26 (she's 46), but acts like he's 17. Dude needs to wipe that smirk off his face. Ugh.

4. Jacqueline, the crazy sister-in-law, is f*cked. She married into the mafia - er, family - and is trying to stay loyal to the family's mortal enemy.

5. The season finale. Please tell me that I was not the only one who enjoyed that delicacy. And can someone get me "the book?"

6. The extra footage of the season finale. The fact that they replayed (and replayed and replayed and....) the "table throwing incident," was genius. We got to see that shit from 4 different angles.

My favorite lines from the last 2 episodes:
"If you haven't seen a table thrown, you're obviously not from New Jersey." -I forget which hot New Jersey Mafia son
"I am a classy lady." -Teresa, the chick who threw a table.
"Ha, I love you (kiss)." -Teresa, to her husband, 30 seconds after she threw the table.

Tuesday will be the best day of my life. Why? Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion Show. I count the days....